


Listen, Scout may be stupid.

by angelglue



Category: Team Fortress 2
Genre: Dad Spy, Hes trying his best, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-16
Updated: 2020-05-17
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:21:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24210523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelglue/pseuds/angelglue
Summary: Scout has a crush on Sniper and wants Spy to help him woo him. Dad spy stuff y'know?
Relationships: Scout/Sniper (Team Fortress 2)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 191





	1. Chapter 1

Spy and Scout didn't spend much quality time together. Since the secret of them being related was blurted out by Ms. Pauling in a fit of surprise everyones known and accepted it. But it was still mostly entirely ignored except for a few occasions of awkward conversation about Scout's childhood and Spy's list of regrets relating to it. This time, though, they had just happen to be alone in the common room. And Scout may have been facing a very… familiar problem. And he totally didn't seek Spy out for his help with this exact problem again.

" So, uh… " Scout looked at the small TV sitting in front of them and pretended to not be as nervous as he was, " I maybe have a problem with something. "

" Hm? What sort of problem? " Spy was also looking at the TV. He was pretending to not be as suddenly interested as he was.

" So, yeah, like… Y'know how I went to you for help with my Ms. Pauling situation? "

" Yes? " Spy looked from the TV to see Scout awkwardly scratching the back of his neck.

" I got a similar problem. " Scout's face reddened ever so slightly.

Spy was observant and caught on very quickly. " Oh, does someone have a crush again? You're like a teenage girl, I swear. "

Spy's teasing made Scout's face redden much more noticeably now, " Look, asshole, I don't even need you! I just assumed you'd be honored to help me since, y'know, you missed 20-something years a' helping me. " He pointed his finger at him and furrowed his brow.

Spy's eyebrows raised a bit. He didn't show it, of course, but he was always hurt when Scout used the 'you're a bad dad' card. " Alright. Do you want me to give you classes on not being a fool again? Or do you want me to help in some other way? "

" I just need to know what to do. This person, h- she's not exactly someone whose into guys like me. But the thing is, I don't think theres anything I can do to make her like me. "

Scout played the role of a cocky, full of himself asshole. And he sort of was. But Spy knew he had issues with self esteem and gave him a look of pity at his words. " Scout, I'm sure whoever this is isn't inseduceable. "

" No, I mean like… She's really distant. And she's smart. Not just book smart, either! And she's really… well, she's kind of… she's not the kind of girl I'd bring home to ma. Not that she's bad! She's just kinda… not someone I'd want ma knowing I'm dating. " Scout rested his arms on his knees as he prepared to ramble, " She's another one a' them girls who can read and wear crooked glasses- but she's always wearing sunglasses, not normal glasses. She's got a fun smile and a cool attitude. She's kinda scary, but she's also… I don't know. It's stupid. She's powerful. I guess. "

Powerful. Sunglasses. Spy was frantically looking through his mental database of women that Scout knew who fit that description. The administrator? No, no… Maybe Spy had never met her? But where would Scout have met a woman when he's been here at the base so often?

" And she'd never go for a guy like me. I talk a lot. And when she talks, she's saying something important. I just run my mouth, but her? She doesn't usually talk but, but when she does… it's something you better listen to. She's mysterious but also… really charming. "

Spy wracked his brain for any signs that Scout had been buddying up to a woman somehow. Was he sneaking out? Was he tired at breakfast from seeing her at night? No, he was always chipper at breakfast... And he was always here on the weekends unless he was going shopping for groceries with Engineer. Did he meet her there?

" Uh, dude? You with me? " Scout waved his hand in front of Spy's face.

" Hm? Oh, yes, " Spy waved Scout's hand away, " Scout… how the hell did you manage to befriend a woman when you're almost never alone in town? Oh, please tell me she knows you. Please don't tell me you've been stalking some poor old lady. " Spy's pinched the bridge of his nose.

" No, no! I, uh… I mean, I see her a lot. But not… in town? No, wait, okay! Listen, I didn't meet her in town! But I also see her a lot? She's kinda my friend… I guess. And she's not old! She's basically my age! "Scout was red from to his neck now.

Spy watched him wave his hands and go in circles as he failed to explaining the situation. Then, Spy's mental lightbulb flashed on. Always wearing sunglasses. Around his age, knows Scout and sees him often, wasn't met in town. Myserious. Suddenly all those trips during battle to higher ground where a Scout wouldn't need to go made sense. Mon dieu.

" Scout, " Spy put his hand on his son's shoulder and looked deep into his eyes. He paused and stared before slowly and quietly whispering, " Do you fancy the Sniper? "

" What? " Scout nearly screeched in response, " No! No, he's a man! I'm not gay, dude! I'm not! "

" Scout. "

" Like, c'mon! Look at me! I'm the straightest man here! "

" Scout… "

" I'm like, so straight! Look at these biceps! Would a homosexual have biceps like this? "

" Scout! "

Scout paused his frantic speech when Spy shook him. His face was serious, but his expression wasn't an angry one. He was smiling a bit? It was an uncomfortable smile- probably the only smile Spy knew how to do- but it wasn't a negative response.

" Scout. It's alright if you fancy men. "

" Really? " Scout felt his eyes start to water and a weight lift off his chest.

" Absolutely. I happen to fancy men as well. " Spy withdrew his hand and went back to his relaxed position with his arm on the back of the couch.

" But… Ma? "

" I like both. "

" Wow! So, you can do that? I'm not just weird? " Scout sputtered and held his head as he laughed in relief when Spy hummed an 'mhm' in response.

Spy was an odd sense of parental pride at seeing how delighted Scout was. He was incredibly honored that Scout felt safe enough with him to come out. But Spy would never tell anyone he felt proud. He instead watched Scout run his fingers through his hair and laugh happily beside him.

After Scout grew quiet and the air became awkward again, Spy spoke quietly, " I'm glad you're figuring yourself out. You know, I was engaged to a man when I was around your age. Not legally, of course, but we considered ourselves engaged. " Spy swallowed a hard knot as he told Scout about his past. He absolutely hated even thinking of his own lore so telling someone was near impossible. But he felt Scout deserved to know.

" Did you leave ma because you liked men more? " Scout's voice was equally as quiet.

" No. No, I... I didn't. We will talk about that another day. I know I said that last time, but I'm not ready yet, " Spy's voice cracked and he shifted his energy to refocus the conversation, " Let's discuss your little crush for now, hm? "

" Oh, yeah. I don't know what to do. I visit him sometimes in his sniping nest, but he usually just tells me to go do my job. And he sometimes lets me sit with him in his van for a while, but after a bit he just starts to get quiet and just… stares real close to me, and that's when I know to leave. Sometimes he even encourages me to leave by saying he's tired or something. "

" Did you ever invite him somewhere? "

" No. Why would I do that? " Scout's question was genuine.

Spy pinched the bridge of his nose again. " Get up. I will prepare you for when you ask Sniper on a date this evening. "

" Huh? " Scout watched Spy stand and walk to the doorway before turning to wait for him, " When I do what this evening? "


	2. Chapter 2

" Well, how else is he going to know you like him? " Spy's voice was as condescending as ever as he walked down the hall to his room with Scout following close behind.

" I don't even know if he likes guys! " Scout whispered loudly and looked around to see if anyone could hear them, and seeing nobody, he relaxed a bit.

" He does. "

Spy's nonchalant reply made Scout's eyes widen before he squinted in disbelief. " How do you know that? "

" I know many things about our coworkers. It's my job. Did you know that Soldier has six toes on his left foot? "

" Huh? " Scout was brought out of his confused thoughts when he ran into Spy's arm. They were stopped in front of Spy's door and Scout looked both ways down the hall as Spy opened it and held the door for him.

Spy shut the door behind them. He walked to a chair in the middle of the room before crouching in front of it and turning to Scout. He pointed a finger at him and spoke with a threatening yet not casual tone, " If you ever tell anyone about this chair I will have you murdered. "

" Alright. Jeez, you've told be that about like, ten secret things in your room. I haven't told anyone about any of the other secret crap you got in here. " Scout rolled his eyes and saw Spy seemingly push a button of sorts under the chair. He heard creaking and turned to see a bookshelf open like a door ever so slightly.

Spy stood and walked to the bookcase door and opened it to reveal a closet full of expensive suits that strangely all looked the same." You will want to look nice. Not to say your formal clothes aren't, it's just that they're not as nice as things I own. "

" Kind of a backhanded compliment but alright. "

" I actually have something for you. I was going to give it to you eventually, and this seems like a good enough excuse to do so. "

Spy looked around the large closet hidden behind the bookshelf before reaching to the top of a shelf and taking down an old black box. It was about the size of a shoebox, and it was covered in dust.

" I haven't opened it in some time. " Spy wiped his hand over the top and swept away some of the dust. He scowled when the dust stuck to his glove.

" What's in it? Is it money? Some kind of old knife? " Scout's tone was slightly sarcastic, but he was very excited. Spy rarely gave him anything. He scrambled his brain trying to remember if he had ever given him anything before this.

" It's a suit. " Spy opened the box and true to his word he withdrew an old suit.

It looked expensive. Scout was slightly intimidated by how costly it looked as Spy layed it out carefully on the bed. It was made of a dark brown material. It had a pocket on the breast, was seemingly made of very expensive stuff, and was nowhere near anything Scout had ever wore before. It reminded him of the suit Spy wore but older.

" How old is this thing? " Scout pinched some of the material between his thumb and pointer finger. It felt very comfortable on the inside.

" Well, my father gave it to me when I was around nineteen years of age. "

" So, about a hundred and ten years old? "

Spy rolled his eyes and ignored Scout laughing at his own joke. He looked down at the suit he'd rarely worn and felt a twinge of bitterness remembering his father. He had been so proud of him when he'd given him this suit.

" You okay? " Scout snapped his fingers in front of Spy and Spy again waved away his hand.

" I told myself I would burn this as soon as I left home. I didn't. I then swore I'd give it to my own son one day. " Spy gritted his teeth.

" Ah, jeez. That's… I mean, thanks? " Scout rubbed the back of his neck. For once he truly wasn't sure how to respond.

" I wasn't there when you were nineteen. Forgive me for being so late with your nineteen birthday gift. "

Spy packed the suit back up into the box and held it out for Scout to take. Scout's hands shook as he took it from him. He was holding it close to his chest as if he were afraid of dropping it. As if he were afraid it'd break like glass if he did so.

" Now go. Shoo. It is two o'clock. At four you will meet me back here and you will be dressed properly for asking Sniper on a date. I'll fix whatever mess you decide is 'proper' when you meet me here. "

" Yeah, okay, sure! Alright, I'll meetcha here then. " Scout rushed out the door and quickly closed it behind him. He held the box close. Scout stopped in his tracks a bit away from the door before turning on his heels. He opened the door quickly and quietly shouted, " Thanks, " before shutting the door and continuing on his way.

" Yeah… I look good! " Scout turned in front of the mirror and admired how he looked in the old suit. It fit him exactly. It was like it was made for him. Though it's age and the stench of old cigarettes cursing the material told him otherwise.

He walked down the hall with confidence. He was wearing his normal shoes and still had his baseball tape on. He had slicked back his hair and stuck a fake rose he stole from Pyro's pile of flowers in the common room into the breast pocket. He was pretty sure Pyro was saving them to burn later that night, but surely he wouldn't miss a single rose. Scout's walk was full of over exaggerated swagger like a macho cartoon character.

" You're late. " Spy's voice was like a cold hit back to reality when Scout opened his door.

" Yeah, I uh… couldn't figure out the tie. But I got it eventually! And I'm only fifteen minutes late! "

" You actually look… presentable. " Spy nodded slightly in approval.

" I look cool as freakin' hell, man! " Scout flexed his almost nonexistent muscles.

Spy rolled his eyes again and chose to resist the urge to make Scout change shoes or take off his tape. He didn't want to be as… controlling this time around. That hadn't helped Scout much in impressing Ms. Pauling, after all. Well, actually, the fact that she's gay might be moreso the reason she wasn't impressed. Though he decided a relaxed approach would be more helpful anyhow. He walked around Scout a few times like a shark and looked down at him as he observed his clothing to be sure he hadn't messed anything up or already stained anything.

" Have you prepared what you're going to say? "

" Nah. Well, yeah, I did. But I don't think it'll be good. "

" Assume I am Sniper. " Spy stood in front of Scout and looked down at him intensely. He heard Scout take an audible gulp. " Woo me. "

This again. He didn't argue this time. Instead, Scout inhaled a long, nervous breath before starting, " … Hey, Snipes. I, uh… I think you're a cool guy. You're really hot and- "

" No. "

" Really smart? "

" … Alright. "

" Okay, " Scout took another deep breath, " I think you're really smart and funny. I like your eyes and the way you crinkle your nose to push up your glasses. And the way you look when I visit your van at night. The half sleepy, half friendly look you have is cute. Also you're super cool and fun to be around. "

" Alright. Okay. A bit much for a start, but it's sweet. Now ask me on a date. "

" Sniper, would you like to hang out… " Scout quickly scrambled for a date idea, " by the fire tomorrow night? We can light the campfire by your van and chill. "

" You're ready. " 

" Hell yeah!- "

" One last thing, though. "

Scout had a noise of annoyance. He then felt Spy rub some dried hair gel off his forehead with a licked thumb and groaned as he swatted away his hand.

" Now you're ready. "


	3. Chapter 3

Scout felt like he had weights attached to his shoes as he walked out to Sniper's van. Each step made him more anxious, and knowing Spy was listening in on the conversation only made him more nervous. Spy hadn't told him where he'd be. The bastard only told him he'd be listening and then went invisible and ran off. A dozen unfortunate scenarios ran through his head. What if he wasn't gay and Spy had lied? What if he said no and told everyone Scout was gay and stupid? What if he kicked him in the nuts? What ifs went through his brain faster than he could shut them down as irrational.

He walked outside and stalled a bit by kicking his feet in the dirt. He tried to calm this breathing and focus. His mind fogged with thoughts and anxieties mixed with thoughts of holding Sniper's rough hands. After a moment of walking slowly towards his van's camping spot, Scout felt his whole face become uncomfortably hot when he saw Sniper sitting on the steps outside his van.

" Hey! " Scout picked up speed and quickly jogged over. Sniper smiled and waved at him when he noticed him, and this made him jog a bit faster.

" Going to a wedding today? " Sniper offered Scout a can of beer that was uncomfortably warm after sitting outside all day.

" Huh? Oh- the suit! Nah, I got all fancied up to ah… uh… " 

" … "

" … "

The pause must've been very uncomfortable for both of them, because after a solid 20 seconds of silent polite stares Sniper stood. " I'll, uh, let you get to it, then. Be seeing ya, mate- "

" No! " Scout's sudden outburst made Sniper nearly jump out of his skin. Scout placed his can on the ground and moved towards him, picking the rose out of his breast pocket. " I wanted to ask you out! Like, to hang out! But as a date kinda thing. "

" … That's not very funny. "

" Huh? "

" If this is some kind of mean prank then it ain't funny. "

" I'm not pranking you! "

" But if you like me then why'd you keep rejecting me? "

The look on Scout's face must've been one of absolute bewilderment. His outstretched hand holding the rose drooped and his head cocked to the side like a confused puppy.

" I'm not complaining I'm just… I eventually just gave up after supposing I should just take a hint. Started thinking you might not even be gay- even though anyone with two eyes can see you're not straight. Well, scratch that. Demo could tell too. I mean, I've tried to kiss you, I even outright asked if you wanted to schedule a date with me- Hell, Scout, I asked you if you wanted to sleep with me! "

" … Oh my God. Oh my God, Oh my God! I thought you wanted me to leave! "

" Why the bloody hell would I be trying to make you leave by outright asking you if you wanted to sleep with me? "

" I thought you were tired! I figured that was you passive aggressively telling me to leave so you could go to bed! "

" You're fucking joking. "

Scout slapped the side of his own head and began laughing as he recalled a night earlier that week. Sniper had said to him, " Let's cut to the chase. Do you want to sleep with me? " Scout visibly cringed as he remembered his answer of, " Nah, I can sleep in my own bed. Night! "

" Oh my God, I'm so fucking stupid! " Scout's laughter quickened when he felt Sniper put a hand on his shoulder and laugh with him. " Fucking Christ, " Scout muttered through his laughter.

" To answer your question, yes. I'd love to go on a date. " Sniper snatched the rose out of Scout's hand and placed it in the band on his hat.

" How about we sit by the fire tonight, then? " Scout wiped tears from his eyes and his laughter died. He had a big goofy grin on his face.

" Sounds like a fantastic idea. "

Spy's view from on top of Sniper's van was perfectly close enough to listen in on the conversation while remaining unnoticed. But unfortunately, that van would now be remembered as the spot Spy learned that all his sexy and suave genes had just gone completely down the toilet. A waste.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> clown emoji

**Author's Note:**

> i.. am baby..i love dadspy


End file.
